this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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