It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
