We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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