using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
