All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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