I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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