My nipple is on Facebook.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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