You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
