If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
