I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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