no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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