Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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