I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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