Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
