No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
