I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
