...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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