Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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