I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
