Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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