I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
