we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
