Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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