he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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