Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His hands were made for my vagina.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
