Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
