in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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