My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Never joke about your clitoris.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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