I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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