the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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