I accidentally had phone sex last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize