My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
