You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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