I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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