I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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