i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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