To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
