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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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