Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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