Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
