i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
