oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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