Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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