White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
