He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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