We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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