i think i have herpe
just one?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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