you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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