When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you win again, gameday.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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