next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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