I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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