My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
