God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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