You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
