are you so shy because you have an std?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
