a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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