my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
