I'm laying in your front yard are you home
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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