Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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