Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
