How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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