i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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