I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
