all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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