I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
