Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My vagina just recognized that song.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
