from now on my penis is your penis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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