he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
