remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
